The Secret Lives of Church Ladies

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I know when I post about short stories, I hear from a lot of people that they either can’t get into them or have never read any before. Some say they don't want to get invested in characters for such a short amount of time. I used to feel the same way until I discovered that in the right hands, short stories can be just as powerful as full-length novels.

The stories are all very poignant, sometimes laced with heartache, sometimes with humor. The connections between these women and their lovers, their mothers, and their siblings are explored so intimately, without a single wasted word. These relationships are never simple. Are they ever?! I loved the complexity of their thoughts, the turmoil, and the yearnings. Some of these “church ladies” are grieving; others are full of anger, perhaps even vengeful. They may miss home, their mothers, or other loved ones. They are all linked together by their love, determination and courage. RELATED: Unlike most Christian women’s conferences, the Ally Virtual Tour isn’t shying away from politics taps 🎙️* Is this thing on? Yes? Ok. Let me introduce you to your new favorite author - Deesha Philyaw. Deesha isn't a new author, she's been writing for a minute, but what she does in The Secret Lives is something special. She flips the script and portrays "good church girls" as the real women and girls they are, not some perfect beings who worship at the altar 24/7 and never let their slip show. How do you make love to a physicist? You send him an apology in the form of one of the many sketches of him you have made, in a silver frame. He doesn’t respond right away. And you’re okay with that; you knew the risk you ran, disappearing the way you did. But when he does reach out, you’re both quiet on the phone for a long time before you say, “It’s just something I had to do. For me. I didn’t have the words for it then, and I’m not entirely sure I do now.” You deflate a little. You want him to be the one you’ve been waiting for, and you want him to feel the inevitability of you as well. You want to be his default, not an option. You want the promises of a new religion.

I was also fascinated with the many types of relationships- mother/daughter, men/women, women/women... Throughout these stories we constantly watch women be good caregivers, good lovers, good people with gifts to share, and see them be squandered by a patriarchal society. ‘ Because he was a man who took without giving, he left us nothing to grieve,’ one narrator remarks. There are affairs with no thought to the women they will hurt, men who beat their wives to death in front of their infant children, or, as in Jael predatory men who even at the age of 35 prey on 15 year old girls. Philyaw pulls a reversal on the power dynamic in Instructions for Married Christian Husbands, a story sharp with satirical wit as a woman lays out her unbreakable rules for ‘ the infantilized husbands of accomplished godly women’ she sleeps with purely for pleasure and power. It is a fresh burst in the collection along with the rather adorable slow burn romance in Physicist. EXCLUSIVE: Three Women and Hunters writer Tori Sampson will co-create HBO Max’s Tessa Thompson-produced adaptation of The Secret Lives of Church Ladies.

The title refers to the catch-all term for church-going women that Philyaw learned growing up. [3] These women were prim, conservatively dressed, and those "who make[] sure not a hair is out of place, never speak[] out of line, and does all the right Godly things." [4]

And you only believe that because of how another group of men interpret the first group of men. People say you're supposed to put your faith in God, not men.’” But truly all of them had astute observations of womanhood, complex relationships between mothers and daughters, love and the church. It was messy and realistic and beautifully written. Each story delivered something different: a plate of hot, greasy hush puppies, a big bowl of collards with bacon, one perfect slice of red velvet cake on a crisp white napkin, a basket filled with cornbread biscuits, and, of course, a whole peach cobbler pie cooling on the counter. This collection was such a pleasant surprise. More important, it was a pleasure to read. What a joyful experience. Peach Cobbler,” arguably the most gripping story, follows the mother-daughter relationship between Olivia and her mother, who prepares a peach cobbler for God every Monday. Olivia soon reveals that it’s not God for whom her mother bakes the cobbler, but her married pastor, who she once believed was the deity until she saw his humanity for what it was—fallible. Olivia’s mother chooses to put all her energy in pleasing and loving this man at the cost of neglecting her daughter, who isn’t allowed to eat the cobbler. Watching her mother make the dessert, Olivia thinks: “I wanted to be those peaches. I longed to be handled by caring hands. And if I couldn’t, I wanted the next best thing: to make something so wonderful with my own hands.”

O'Driscoll, Bill. "Pittsburgh-Based Author Explores 'The Secret Lives Of Church Ladies' ". www.wesa.fm . Retrieved 2020-10-18.

The church, sexuality, and everyday life come alive in each story bringing readers closer to experiences we can, or have, seen ourselves in.” Breathtaking and heartbreaking. This book felt like a hot cup of tea and a warm bath after a long cold day.

And while Philyaw does an excellent job of depicting the hypocrisy of church leadership and the misogynoir stemming from the intersection of class, sex, race, and religious belief, this story is really about the fragile relationships between mothers and their children, and how resisting parental neglect, essentially striving for self-love, can often look like rebellion. And the girl whose mother regularly shares peach cobbler and herself with their married male pastor. The girl, now a teen, begins tutoring lessons and a liaison with the same pastor’s son. All of this cemented my understanding of God as a twisted puppet master watching his creations bounce around, trapped and tangled up in tragedies for his amusement.’There are several women, however, who leap from that thin line of grace out to freedom in Deesha Philyaw's stunning first collection of stories, The Secret Lives of Church Ladies. Women (& girls) who for better or worse, know exactly who they are & refuse to give even a penny less. I can highly recommend the audiobook. Janina Edwards performed this book like no other. It truly was a performance, not just a reading. It elevated the stories and brought me right into the characters’ worlds. On top of the many secrets in the sex lives of these characters, there also are what seem like superstitions, especially among their relatives — like the grandmother who dreams of fish and is then sure someone in her family is pregnant. What does that say about the influence of factors other than faith in the minds of some church ladies? Then Pi Day arrives and you shower while he’s en route to the airport. Once he’s in the air, his six-hour flight (including layover) feels to you like an eternity. His walk from the plane to your car at curbside takes as long as a pilgrimage. You imagine him kissing the western wall of Sbarro, weeping at the Cinnabon, leaving an offering at the feet of Auntie Anne. And you only believe that because of how another group of men interpret the first group of men. People say you're supposed to put your faith in God, not men.”